when i think about it, i feel sad and demoralised.

i mean what's the point of buying a close to 100 dollar pair of nice looking tennis shoes when my worth in tennis is less than a buck? what is the point in that? its pathetic looking at a nice pair of shoes down at your feet but some piece of crap up there at the racquet holding hand.

my parents have already said that i should give up tennis altogether. its just not my piece of cake. i've got zero natural talent at it and i don't even have a natural ability to just play a competitive game. the score always says it all. its pathetic. and my dad has also given me a thousand and one reasons why my game is so wrong, but those words are useless in changing my game. its still as pathetic as before. i feel lousy at it.

but i can't give up tennis right now. i've spent 2 yrs at it, at this sport, at this cca. while i'm useless at it, i've got the chance to be a ccal. do i intend to give that up? no, i don't think so. i'm not gonna spend 2 yrs at playing pathetic tennis, having only played one game for the school, only to give up my best chance at achieving something in my cca life at ri. this would not do.

but while i wish to see it as a cca, its more than that. i've got private training once a week, as with most other people. but each training eats away 70 bucks from my parents wallet. then there are the 2 racquets, each walloping slightly less than 250 bucks from my parent's savings. tennis shoes wear down like no body's business, say every 3 months, it should be changed. that takes away about 100 bucks each time i change my shoes? the figures just keep going up, with each passing week. that is the problem with this sport, with this cca. its not some cheap man's game. its costly. and what do i expect to do with it at the end of all this? throw it away.

after the season next year, i see tennis ending in my life. i'm useless at it, and its affecting my other life-time activity. 11 years i've spent at violin, i don't intend to give it up for tennis. in fact i've got a better chance at violin than i do at tennis. so after one more year, all that money, where does it go? down the drain. its wasteful, i know.

i don't know what to do. i like the tennis cca more than i like string ensemble. at least tennis cca has given me more life lessons than i can foresee in se. but its costly and wasteful. especially after 4 years of money spent on tennis stuffs, i don't intend to use it anymore. its not helped by the fact that i'm so pathetic at it. but what can i do? tennis is not my game.

Watch it: this time machine does not have DynamicAutoRefresh.
Manually refresh the page to see your timed-words appear.